jen's birthday is today and i am on her couch while she is in the city with a friend looking at art. i am so grateful to her that i can sit here and heal the aching instrument of body.

i am existing in a world now where i say things like - "a ceremony was given to me."

I exist in a world where i say this to my friends and do not need to qualify it.

someone from my distant past who i have previously called my enemy wrote me two weeks ago and all alone in my livingroom i broke down and was "given a ceremony."

i wrote this person and asked her if she would participate and she agreed and last thursday the ceremony happened at my brother's house in santa barbara with emily present.

it was a peacemaking ceremony.  there was a blanket, a buffalo hide, tobacco copal and a beautiful fire. there were prayers and the touch of hawk wings. this person is no longer my enemy.

we are doing this.  so this is the way it is done, i said.  announcing to all four directions that this ceremony was happening, look, see, this great thing resonating throughout all relations. we are no longer enemies.  i will not talk about what happened because it was never real.  i said to my brother, fuck the talking. you want to make peace you make peace.  you just do it.  this is how it is done.